Just another post to say that my other blog at misterjoshuaray.wordpress.com is up and running. The screenshot is of the biggest update recently (and so far!). So if you want to hear a bit about SEMINARY then hit the jump :)
I don't know that I'll update this much more-this was big enough news that I wanted it to be here on the old blog too though.
So much has changed in the months(!!!) since I updated last! And the crazy exciting part is that it doesn't show any signs of slowing down. There are some big shifts and updates on the horizon and I can't wait to share all about them!
That's part of the reason I'm re-activating this blog: it'll be nice to have a venue other than Facebook to put some stuff out there in the hopes of keeping you up-to-date on all the changes.
I'm kinda just coming up with the idea as I'm typing, but maybe a few posts focusing that each focus on a different aspect of the recent updates would be good. I dunno, we'll see. Expect to hear some more from me here though! (*fingers crossed*)
The Lord IS a Father (v. 1), The Holy One of Israel (v. 12), a God of Justice (v. 18), and our Teacher (v. 20). He HAS plans (1), GIVES his Word (8), INSTRUCTS his children (9), SPEAKS to his people (15), WAITS to be gracious (18), EXALTS himself (18), SHOWS his mercy (18) and SHOWS himself (20), HEARS his people (19), BINDS up brokenness (26), and HEALS the wounded (26).
Hallelujah! What an amazing day to begin asking "Who are you showing yourself to be, Lord?" during my quiet times! What a mighty God we serve!
I've been reading through Mark recently, and for whatever reason the story where Jesus raises Jairus' daughter (Mark 5) has stood out to me each time through. Matthew Henry's commentary on a specific aspect of the miracle, Jesus' words to the girl, especially hit home:
It was customary with the Jews, when they gave physic to one that was sick, to say Arise from thy disease; meaning, We wish thou mayest arise: but to one that was dead, Christ said, Arise from the dead; meaning, I command that thou arise; nay there is more in it -- the dead have not power to arise, therefore power goes along with the word, to make it effectual...Christ works while he commands, and works by the command, and therefore may command what he pleaseth, even the dead to arise. Such is the gospel call to those that are by nature dead in tresspasses and sins, and can no more rise from that death by their own power, than this child could; and yet that word, Awake, and arise from the dead, is neither vain, nor in vain, when it follows immediately, Christ shall give thee light, Eph 5:14.
What in your life is dead and has no hope of life outside of Christ? In that area are you fearing or believing? (Mark 5:36b)
I've been thinking about trees a lot lately: to be specific, fig trees. The story of Jesus cursing the fig tree in Mark 11 really stood out to me when ROCKharbor went through their series on Mark and I've been occasionally returning to the story and the idea of fruitfulness for the past few weeks.
We have a fig tree in my backyard back at home, so I'm familiar with the taste, smell, look, and feel of figs. It was definitely a recurring Saturday-morning activity at the Ray household for Dad to rouse the troops (all five of us guys-Katie usually helped Mom inside) and set us to work on the various plants that needed trimming, etc. Of everything on that list, the fig tree was always one of my least favorite. Why? To put it simply, because it grew so much and bore so much fruit!The fruit literally coats the ground under the tree and the tree grows enough to constantly need trimming.
A week or so ago I was walking down the street to a friend's house when I stopped dead in my tracks. It was late, so it was dark, and I was either texting or checking something on my phone because I wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings, but something wrested me from my relative inattention and turned my thoughts to the present. What stopped me dead in my tracks? The overpowering scent of figs.
As I looked around, I realized that not only was I standing under the largest fig tree I've ever seen aside from the one in my backyard, but that the ground was covered in ripe figs that this tree had dropped. The figs were EVERYWHERE. The grass, the sidewalk, everything was covered with figs, some crushed and others intact. I took a few moments to survey the scene, and as I did everything that I'd been dwelling on the past few weeks came flooding to the forefront of my mind.
What a beautiful picture of our relationship with Christ and the call we have as Branches connected to the Vine! The "problem" with both these two fig trees isn't that they aren't growing or aren't producing fruit, but exactly the opposite! They are producing TOO MUCH! They can't hang onto all the fruit they're making. Furthermore, there is NO mistaking just what exactly they are and what their purpose is!
God, may I glorify you by bearing much fruit and so prove to be your disciple (John 15:8). May my life be "a fragrant offering and sacrifice" to you (Eph. 5:2), having the same effect on others that this tree's crushed fruit had on me. May I have faith in you, God (Mark 11:22).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down,
that the mountains would tremble before you!
As when fire sets twigs ablaze
and causes water to boil,
come down to make your name known to your enemies
and cause the nations to quake before you!
For when you did awesome things that we did not expect,
you came down, and the mountains trembled before you.
Since ancient times no one has heard,
no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you,
who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.
~Isaiah 64:1-4
I've been thinking a lot about closed doors lately. Closed doors aren't what we typically want. When we have an opportunity (or THINK we do), seek God's will and receive a firm "No" as the answer despite our fervent prayers...well it typically isn't cause for celebration. Instead the focus often turns to ourselves.
"What did I do wrong?" or "Why is God punishing/holding out on me?" tends to be my default reaction when a door slams shut in front of me. If only I hadn't sinned so badly this week or if only God really loved me maybe the answer would have been different. So when the next opportunity comes, it's time to shape up and be on "best behavior" so that we'll somehow be worthy of the carrot God seems to be hanging out in front of us.
That doesn't seem to be how God decides to open or close doors in the Scriptures. Instead of seeing closed doors as God's punishment or petulance, the Word paints a picture of God working for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, which is to become conformed to the likeness of His Son [paraphrase of Romans 8:28-29]...even (and especially) through closed doors.
The Apostle Paul, the author of those words, knew from personal experience what it was to not be able to proceed in the direction that he wanted to go. On his second missionary journey Paul wanted to go to Asia and Bithynia. I'm sure that he had grand plans for the people there and that he was excited to be bringing the gospel to these people who so desperately needed to hear the Truth.
Acts 16 tells us that the Paul and his companions were forbidden by the Holy Spirit to go to Asia and that the Holy Spirit did not permit them to go into Bithynia (v 6-7).If ever there was a set of closed doors, it was on that mission trip: Plans A and B right out the window! If I were in Paul's shoes I think I'd have been just a bit confused. Didn't God want Paul to be preaching and spreading the Word? Why would the Holy Spirit keep them from doing ministry like that?
In a message called "The Need of the Hour," Dawson Trotman shared his interpretation of these events:
Paul found closed doors, but closed doors to him weren't the problem. I believe those closed doors were used of God to show him the open doors he was to go through next.
Closed doors are closed because God has another door that He wants us to go through. It turned out pretty well for Paul: instead of either of his first two plans, he and his companions ended up going to Macedonia. Their stops on this second missionary trip included the cities of Philippi, Thessalonica, Berea, and Corinth. Sound familiar? The churches that were planted as a result of the doors into Asia and Bithynia being closed resulted in at LEAST five epistles (Philippians, 1 and 2 Corinthians, and 1 and 2 Thessalonians) and perhaps the strongest and most faithful church that Paul planted (the Berean church is described in Acts 17:10-12).
When God closes a door in front of us, we have two options: we can either question God or we can submit to His sovereignty and trust that this closed door is an expression of His mercy rather than His judgement. Which will you choose?
Apologies for the amount of time it's been since the last update. It's not as if the blog has slipped my mind-I've been very aware that time has been slipping by without a new post. It's just that I sit down to write...and nothing comes out.
It's not as if nothing has been happening-God is moving visibly and powerfully in the ministry here in Long Beach and in my life and the lives of those close to me. I think that the problem has more to do with the vision for the blog and the purpose or function that I see it fulfilling (or lack thereof). So again, apologies.
I haven't given up on this forum for my thoughts, ideas, and updates! In fact, I've had several thoughts for upcoming blog posts even as I've written this update (as proof, here is the subject of one particular future blog that you'll see soon: Aaron or Joshua?).
I'll leave you with this: God has been speaking into my life through Psalm 39 recently. There's just something about David's cry of anguish and (more importantly) his response to his circumstances that resonates with me right now. Verse 7 has been a key verse for me for over a year now:
"And now, Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in You"
That's my prayer currently: God, may I wait and hope in You.
Yesterday in my blog I quoted from Hillsong's "Desert Song" and included a link to a performance of it by Brooke Fraser and Jill McCloghry, two of Hillsong's worship leaders. Today I stumbled across the story of what happened in Jill's life in the weeks prior to that recording. It is a powerful testimony of Jill's incredible faith and trust in the midst of the most difficult of circumstances and really adds even more depth to the song itself. I've posted two videos, first posting the interview with Jill and second reposting the song itself.
***This is my 75th post on Praises with a Skillful Song!***
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame
Lately I've been dwelling on the idea of wilderness. It's one thing to sing a song like "Blessed be Your Name" and belt lyrics like "Blessed be Your name / When I'm found in the desert place / Though I walk through the wilderness / ... / On the road marked with suffering / Though there's pain in the offering" in the midst of our very American-flavored Christianity without much in the way of suffering, persecution, or hardship.
For the first time in what I would term my maturing personal relationship with Christ I've walked through a (small in some regards, not so small in others) wilderness this summer. Sure I'd had hardship these past few years, but it was always in the midst of a season of blessing and growth. I'd known that I was going to be experiencing a change in seasons with graduation and transitioning into doing EDGE with The Navigators, I just wasn't exactly sure what that was going to look like. It's turned out to be much different than I expected.
At the beginning of the summer I felt like the theme verse for this coming season in my life was the first verse of II Samuel chapter 2. After a period of waiting on God, David asks God if he should go up to one of the cities of Judah. God's answer is "Go up." David asks where he should go and God provides a specific city/path for him to follow: Hebron.
Honestly, it's been much more difficult than I'd expected. David goes up and is crowned King of Judah within three verses. Not that I was expecting to come away with a five-figure check after just one face-to-face, but what I was expecting was closer to the idea of green pastures and quiet waters and not anything like the valley of the shadow of death.
I should have expected it to be more difficult and here's why: Jesus set the example for all of us with a perfect life, right? Well not that any of our lives will line up experience for experience with his, but Jesus had to go through the wilderness before beginning His ministry too. Matthew 4:1 reads, "Then Jesus [after His baptism] was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the Devil." Now I could literally go on for paragraph after paragraph and keep sharing, but I'll curtail my thoughts into two main points: the Spirit's leading and Jesus sustenance in the desert.
The same God that led David with the words "Go up" led Jesus into the wilderness and that same God is leading me now. And before God led David up to be crowned king He had David endure years of living, you guessed it, in the desert and running for his life from Saul. I still feel that II Samuel 2:1 is my theme verse for the present, but what I'm supposed to learn from it is completely different than I expected. It's easy to follow God when He's leading us where we want to go. Do I still follow Him when things don't turn out how I thought they should?
Before Jesus could begin His ministry, God used the wilderness and the Devil's temptations to expose what Jesus' true priorities were and where His soul was rooted: the Word. When everything was stripped away from Him, including food to eat, what did Jesus cling to and rely on? It was the Scriptures that sustained Him in the desert and enabled Him to stand up to the Devil's schemes. Am I looking for life in my own efforts and the approval or support of others or in God's Word to me?
Do you trust God to lead you, even if it isn't in the direction you expected? Where are you rooted: the world, or the Word?
Here's a video of Hillsong's "Desert Song" (the lyrics from the beginning of this post)-I've gained a much deeper appreciation for it over these past few weeks.
I'm beginning to empathize with the Israelites. Let me explain a bit.
For those of you that are unaware, I'm in the middle of fundraising as I go on staff with The Navigators at Cal State University, Long Beach. This is not an insignificant amount of funds to raise and has been my main focus these past seven weeks or so. The process has been slow as I've met with people (friends, family, pastors, businessmen, etc.), sent out letters to those I can't meet with, and cast my vision for my ministry this upcoming year. But although it's been slow overall, things have really started to pick up in the last week or so.
Before I get to campus I am required to be at 75% of my budget-currently God has provided 45% of my budget. Here's where the connection with the Israelites comes in. Less than two weeks ago I was under 20%! Then in a flurry money just started pouring in-there are lots of neat individual stories but the main point is that there was MAJOR provision in a very short amount of time.
When the Israelites wandered through the wilderness and had no food, God provided manna and quail for them to eat. This provision was miraculous and amazing-birds and bread literally falling from the sky for them. Just like God's financial provision for me over the past two weeks, this was a specific need that God acknowledged and provided an answer to.
What was the Israelites' response? Complaining about other unmet needs. In the very next chapter the Israelites are complaining about not having enough water and asking if Moses brought them out to the desert to die! In the past whenever I read through this or any other section where the Israelites complained immediately after God had done something miraculous like parting the Red Sea or providing manna I would roll my eyes-"Here we go again."
Right now I'm in a similar place-I recognize and remember that God has just provided me in some pretty amazing ways, but I still need 30% of my budget before I can get to campus! Honestly, it's much, MUCH easier to focus on the latter half of that sentence, especially since students move into the dorms on campus this weekend!
I figure that there are two types of people reading this update: those who have already committed to supporting my ministry at Long Beach (in prayer, financially, or both) and those that have not yet. I'd like to ask some very specific things from both groups. Not that you can't read what I ask the other group or anything, but know that one of the following two paragraphs is targeted more specifically at you :)
For those of you who have already committed to supporting me: First of all, thank you! It's an amazing blessing to have the support of others in an endeavor like this. For those of you that have already given financially, I'm not asking you to give any more. I know that you didn't arrive at your commitment accidentally or haphazardly and don't want to be a burden. But to EVERYONE who has already to committed to supporting me, please be praying! Specifically pray:
1) for a grant application that is currently being reviewed that has the potential to double the $5000 my church committed to giving me
2) that I would be able to meet with a big potential donor that I have been unable to connect with as of yet
3) that my attitude through all this would not be like the Israelites but instead always grateful and God-honoring
4) that God would bring me to campus in His timing and be glorified through the whole process
For those of you that have not yet committed, would you prayerfully consider if my ministry at Long Beach is something the Lord would have you support? There is never a time when I will need fewer people praying for me! And I still need people who will commit to supporting me financially. Each commitment of just $25 a month raises me a whole percent! You can give online by clicking on the banner on the right-hand side or email me at joshray88@gmail.com.
I will be sure to update everyone on how things continue to develop and how God is moving!
Summer is finally here! Sorry I've been a bit remiss in updating the blog-I've had a few small things like graduating from college keeping my attention for the past few weeks ;).
But I'm back and have several entries that I have in the can-I've known what I've wanted to write and share with you all but just haven't had the time. So those will start to show up in the next few days. For now though, a preview of my summer starting today.
Week 1: home with the family. EDGE Summit Homework, Memorial Day weekend, Disneyland, catching up with friends, setting up some preliminary appointments for funding.
Week 2: NorCal camping with some Long Beach Navs! Basically the closest thing I'll have to a vacation this summer.
Weeks 3-4: EDGE Summit in Colorado Springs. Funding School and all that jazz.
Weeks 5-11: Fundraising, Fundraising, Fundraising. Diving headfirst into the labor that God has for me. Throw in my birthday and a few other things too.
That all leads up to August 15th: the day I go back to Long Beach. Miscellaneous things for the summer include finding somewhere to live in Long Beach next year and a list of personal goals about two dozen items long that I won't get into other than to say that I've got a lot on my plate.
I'm excited for this summer! The seasons of my life are changing and I'm eager to follow God into this next phase of my life. He's already given me a theme for this next year (!!) to follow up on the theme of hoping and waiting that pervaded and defined this past year. This new theme is something that I'll share in the future, but suffice to say that I'm already embracing it and soaking up the goodness and sweetness of knowing that God is for me and with me-nothing can stand against me!
Thank you, Long Beach Navs, for an amazing past two years as a student, friend, and brother involved in all your guys' lives! Thinking about the past two years makes me so excited for next year it's ridiculous! It's gonna be legen...wait for it....(and I hope you're not allergic because the next word is...)
There's nothing quite like standing shoulder to shoulder with other men of God, engaging in battle with powers and authorities in Christ's name and on others' behalf, and emerging from battle victorious. I am blessed to have amazing men to stand together and call my brethren with and an awesome God to serve!
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places...With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints..."
-Ephesians 6:12, 18
"but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
I've known since June 6, 2009 that God was calling me to do EDGE with the Navigators, inviting me to pursue Him out of the comfortable and into the unknown and trust him with everything. There's been a HUGE freedom in that knowledge and being able to rest securely in the knowledge that the path before me is laid out. In a lot of ways, that's been one of the major themes of these past two years: God knows where I'm going, so it's ok if I don't as long as I know HIM. He is worthy of my trust and has known before I was even conceived what I would be doing with my life.
However, knowing that I'm supposed to pursue doing EDGE does not equate to knowing everything about next year.There are still a million things that I just don't know the answer to, not even counting the ten million things that aren't even on my radar yet! Among those things that I didn't know was what campus I'd be serving at.
Another major theme for this season of my life has been waiting and hoping in God. Here, just as in other areas, God asked me to be content with not knowing. From a comment that my interviewer made I figured I'd find out where I'd be placed somewhere between mid-March to mid-April. March came and left. April came as well, and was well on its way to leaving and being replaced by May. Still no word.
Finally, during the last week of April that uncertainty changed: for about two weeks now I've known what campus I'll be serving at next year. I've told those of you who asked me directly about it what I know, but I haven't gone around shouting it to you whether you want to know or not :).
I feel that it's been long enough for me to process a bit about the decision to share it.
Next year I'll be on staff with the Navigators here at CSULB! I'm not ignorant of the fact that there are definitely pros and cons to being at ANY school, Long Beach included, but I can't help be anything but excited :). The best part is that it definitely fits into something I distinctly felt God tell me almost four years ago (which will either be in the next blog post or something that I share at Navnite on Tuesday...not sure which yet).
I'm excited for what God has planned for both me and those around me next year. As this season of my life comes to a close, the growth and fruitfulness that I see as I look back makes me just that much more excited about where He's taking me. My prayer for next year echoes Daniel's prayer just after God revealed the interpretation of the king's dream to him:
"Daniel said, 'Let the name of God be blessed forever and ever,
F
or wisdom and power belong to him.
It is he that changes the times and the epochs;
He removes and establishes kings;
He gives wisdom to wise men,
And knowledge to men of understanding.
It is he who reveals the profound and hidden things;
He knows what is in the darkness,
And the light dwells with Him.
To You, O thou God of my fathers, I give thanks and praise,
For You have given me wisdom and power;
Even You have made known unto us the king's matter.' "
Tonight at church Johnny Hughes, who was teaching, said something that I'd never considered before. The series that they're in right now at ROCKHARBOR is called "God is..." and the point is to re-examine what our conceptions about God are. The first week the message was "God is With Us," the second it was "God is Good."
This week it was "God is Angry." Wait, wha???
It was good to hear a message that so strongly emphasized God's wrath and its intrinsic ties to His love in the midst of our culture that so emphasizes a God of love, a buddy-buddy Jesus and a Father we treat more like "Pops" than "Dad." Now these things still reflect truth-God IS love, Jesus IS our friend, and we have an intimate relationship with the Father. However, it's all too easy to forget about God's wrath.
What struck me the most was Johnny's thoughts on God's attributes. He was in the middle of defining what God's wrath is NOT to better illustrate what it actually is. Some of his points included God's wrath is not like human wrath, not trivial or petty, not inconsistent, and not easily provoked. Each had excellent corresponding points, but the one that stuck out to me was one dealing with God's nature.
God's wrath is NOT an attribute of God, but rather a response. God's wrath is a behavior of his and not a part of his nature. It's in his nature to be wrathful, but not wrath itself. It's the difference between God being loving and God being LOVE. If God is just loving, He can choose to not love-it's a behavior. But if God is LOVE, well He can't choose to do anything but be that love, can He?
I know it might seem like a small difference, but it makes a WORLD of difference! God's wrath comes from the fact that He is Love and loves us so much that He cannot bear to see us defiled, unholy, and corrupted. His desire to destroy evil and save people, (i.e. his wrath) is the response of his love and our sinfulness.
God's wrath proceeds from His love. Thank God for his wrath-without God's wrath burning against sin and evil, where is our guarantee that He'll free us from bondage to them? God's wrath now is a marker or signpost pointing to a future that is free of pain and death thanks to the fusion of Obedience and Sacrifice, Justice and Mercy, and Love and Wrath on the Cross. For that reason, I am so very thankful for God's wrath.
Today at the Men of The Beach Barbeque, Mike Hildebrand shared some of his insight and experience with the topic of finances. While I enjoyed everything he had to say on both the specifics of the difference between a 401k and a Roth IRA and more general Biblical principles for handling money, something he said about his attitude and experience fundraising for his upcoming position as head of staff with the Navigators at UCSB really grabbed me.
Mike was quickly explaining why he was rather dressed-up compared to the rest of us: he'd had a funding appointment that morning. Mike lives in Arizona at the moment so he's knocking a veritable flock of birds out of the air with this trip out to California. Like I said, this was just a tangent and not at all a main focus of his talk, a small eddie in the flow of the conversation up to this point. But Mike's comments about the reason he's so dedicated to fundraising just might have been the most impactful thing for me personally as I'm preparing to do EDGE.
Referring to the amount of money he raises, Mike said, "God isn't keeping track of what I get, but He IS keeping track of what they give." Hearing those words, my mind immediately went back to the story of the Rich Man and Lazarus in Luke 16:19-31, a story that God's been teaching me a lot through recently. Both Lazarus and the Rich Man die, but Lazarus goes to heaven and the Rich Man goes to hell. The biggest lesson I'm learning to understand from this parable right now is something the pastor at Rock Harbor said several weeks ago when they covered this story.
It's true that the poor need the rich. The poor need everything the rich have-money, food, shelter, clothing, access to medical care, etc. It's all too easy to shove this truth to the corner of our minds and just not bother thinking about it, but it doesn't make it any less true. However, it's not the poor that are the only ones that need other people.
The rich need the poor just as much as the poor need the rich. In 1 Timothy 6:9 Paul writes, "People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction." He goes on to call money a root of all kinds of sin and says later in verse 17:
"Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in god, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life."
I want to take hold of the life that is truly life AND to help others achieve that. God, in areas where I'm rich, help me to give away freely and generously. In areas that you've given me a responsibility to invite others into a relationship where they can do what you've commanded and give generously like fundraising for next year and EDGE, give me courage and humility to walk forward in Your confidence and grace.
In Psalm 57, David is in the midst of difficult times. Trouble surrounds him and he has nowhere to turn except God. Anointed as the rightful king of Israel but waiting on God's timing, David is pursued by Saul through the desert again and again, day after day. "My soul is among lions," he says. "I mustlie among those who breathe forth fire, even the sons of men, whose teeth are spears and arrows and their tongue a sharp sword" (verse 4).
David's first thought is not to focus on himself but rather to exalt God. How easy would it be to curse God for orchestrating where he finds himself? Does not God make everything come to pass? Could not God have kept David from hardship and danger? Why doesn't God make David king now instead of later? But David doesn't take this path, perhaps because he's already been there time and time again and it has become part of his character to respond in this manner to God. He's already tended his father's flocks and protected them from the bears and lions. He's already slain Goliath, armored and protected by the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel. But whatever the reason, instead of lashing out and losing faith, David praises God. "Be exalted above the heavens, O god; Let Your glory be above all the earth" (v 5).
David is prepared to wait for what God has in store for him, and joyfully at that. "My heartis steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing, yes I will sing praises" he proclaims (v 7). Nothing can move his heart and steal the faith and joy he finds in trusting the Lord. Nothing can keep him from singing out the praises of the God who has been with him and who promises such good things to him.
David's heart literally overflows with praise for God and he cannot contain it. This is my favorite part of the Psalm-David stirs his heart and soul in a jubilant cry of praise and exaltation. "Awake, my glory! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn" (v 8, emphasis mine). David sings in the dark of night, ushering in the morning with his strains of melodic praise. How can David sing so jubilantly? How, when it's so dark all around him, can he eagerly expect the breaking of the dawn? The answer is that the morning symbolizes God's continual faithfulness and love for us.
There's an old adage that says it's always darkest just before the dawn. David therefore sees the growing darkness around him as just a precursor to God's glory breaking through. The current troubles are just a prelude to God's might and power displayed for all to see. The darker it gets around him and around us, the brighter God's glory will be when He acts. And the morning is coming-there's no way to stop it!
David sings a song of Truth and a song of Hope-he knows the end, and so do we. Let us therefore sing along with him, extolling the Lord our God even (especially) when we don't even have enough light to see.
Last night some friends and I saw Fee, Family Force Five, David Crowder Band, and MercyMe (there were a few other acts too) in concert. It was an amazing time, although I wish that Fee had not opened but played longer instead and that David Crowder had headlined. But that's neither here nor there. What really stands out to me is the worship.
There were two distinct moments during David Crowder's set that stand out to me. I didn't expect this to be a necessarily profound time of worship-just a regular concert of sorts. I am a fan of David Crowder, but wouldn't consider the band to be in my top 5 of either straight up worship bands or bands in general.
As expected, they played their cover of "How He Loves." While it was John Mark Macmillan that wrote the song and Kim Walker that started popularizing it, it's David Crowder that's responsible for really bringing this powerful song to the forefront of contemporary praise music and onto the lips of tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people worldwide.
This is not a song that I particularly enjoyed before tonight. In part this is due to a small change from the original lyrics, but overall I just didn't consider it that great or interesting of a song. I remember hearing a ton of people really talk the song up and then listening to it for the first time and thinking "Really? This is the song?"
Tonight was different. I didn't notice it as first as they sang through the first verse and I sang along. But somewhere between the first and second times through the chorus and in between me singing the lyrics and thinking about them, a light came on. A huge, blinding, burning light that shone intensely through me, illuminating the enormity of my sin, my failure, my depravity, and my fallenness. This came up against the sheer magnitude of God, His love for me, and His methods (literally How He Loves). The Unstoppable Force collided with the Object Immovable Save by One...and prevailed.
My heart broke within me at the same moment that my voice failed, both suddenly shattered and gone. Tears seeped slowly out the corners of my eyes and down my cheeks as I mouthed the words to the chorus, still searching for a voice and a heart that had disintegrated with no warning. Slowly I gathered up the pieces and my voice returned along with my composure. But the effect of that moment lingered. That glimpse of understanding tarried long after my cheeks dried.
The same thing happened during one of their later songs. As I sang the words "O praise Him / He is holy" the same emotions washed over me, leaving me clinging to the truth of God's love for me for support and for sanity.
My eyes and my mind were opened just a fraction of a fraction to the grandeur and weight of God's love for me, and it wrecked me. God, remind me again and again of the cost of Your love and help me to live in light of it, not in spite of it. Help me to remember You always and forever. Remind me of how You loved me in the past and how you continue to do so today and forevermore. Help me, God. Help me.
.JPG)
