Last night some friends and I saw Fee, Family Force Five, David Crowder Band, and MercyMe (there were a few other acts too) in concert. It was an amazing time, although I wish that Fee had not opened but played longer instead and that David Crowder had headlined. But that's neither here nor there. What really stands out to me is the worship.
There were two distinct moments during David Crowder's set that stand out to me. I didn't expect this to be a necessarily profound time of worship-just a regular concert of sorts. I am a fan of David Crowder, but wouldn't consider the band to be in my top 5 of either straight up worship bands or bands in general.
As expected, they played their cover of "How He Loves." While it was John Mark Macmillan that wrote the song and Kim Walker that started popularizing it, it's David Crowder that's responsible for really bringing this powerful song to the forefront of contemporary praise music and onto the lips of tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people worldwide.
This is not a song that I particularly enjoyed before tonight. In part this is due to a small change from the original lyrics, but overall I just didn't consider it that great or interesting of a song. I remember hearing a ton of people really talk the song up and then listening to it for the first time and thinking "Really? This is the song?"
Tonight was different. I didn't notice it as first as they sang through the first verse and I sang along. But somewhere between the first and second times through the chorus and in between me singing the lyrics and thinking about them, a light came on. A huge, blinding, burning light that shone intensely through me, illuminating the enormity of my sin, my failure, my depravity, and my fallenness. This came up against the sheer magnitude of God, His love for me, and His methods (literally How He Loves). The Unstoppable Force collided with the Object Immovable Save by One...and prevailed.
My heart broke within me at the same moment that my voice failed, both suddenly shattered and gone. Tears seeped slowly out the corners of my eyes and down my cheeks as I mouthed the words to the chorus, still searching for a voice and a heart that had disintegrated with no warning. Slowly I gathered up the pieces and my voice returned along with my composure. But the effect of that moment lingered. That glimpse of understanding tarried long after my cheeks dried.
The same thing happened during one of their later songs. As I sang the words "O praise Him / He is holy" the same emotions washed over me, leaving me clinging to the truth of God's love for me for support and for sanity.
My eyes and my mind were opened just a fraction of a fraction to the grandeur and weight of God's love for me, and it wrecked me. God, remind me again and again of the cost of Your love and help me to live in light of it, not in spite of it. Help me to remember You always and forever. Remind me of how You loved me in the past and how you continue to do so today and forevermore. Help me, God. Help me.
